To be or ?

I say I am scared to be,
but maybe, I am just
scared to only be what I am
but I can only be what I lived
and I am so young
so young I still don’t belong to myself
Am I gonna tell her ?
And if she says she loves me ?
Am I ready ? I am already locked.
And If I hold my breath ? unfaithful.
And the distance ? the one my blood runs through
to keep us alive ?
There is so much doubt where the veins meet.
Doubt and a heavy silence, like
it’s gonna rain soon. We need to walk to the closest shed.
I will be older in a second.
A bit prouder, a bit softer.
A great lover to some of you.
A good friend.
And attempt at being.
Then what would be left of life ? What more could I be ?